oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.