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Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
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