i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered