Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door