he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
