Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
