If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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