mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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