I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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