im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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