i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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