well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Jerry, you need to find god
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
