It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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