Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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