just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
