i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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