I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
