when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
