How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
