i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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