So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
