Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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