why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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