He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
