the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
worst night to have a conscience
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
