I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
