The maid of honor just puked.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
