Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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