Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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