Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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