Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
