You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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