So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
