Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
