His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
