I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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