just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
