I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize