I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
