my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
