a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize