You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
