And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
