If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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