I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
