Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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