boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
