Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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