I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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