Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
