That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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