Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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