I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
