This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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